Hospice care

I decided to have hospice come in and care for her. I met with them today and signed paperwork. Hospice will come in twice a week to assess mom and then report to me how she is doing. I feel better that I will be updated on her status even when there is no change.
I visited with mom while I was there and when I asked how she was doing, mom replied "how are you". The nurse states that she responded the the same way to her this morning. And when I was leaving I told her I love you and she responded with "I love you" back! A divine intervention! For breakfast and lunch mom only took in her supplements. The hospice nurse reported to me that for lunch mom would turn her head when the staff tried to feed her. I guess when the body is preparing for death it stops eating.

Seizure #2

Mom had another seizure today at 8am, lasting about 45 seconds. Her color was gray again and her O2 sats were 83%. They put oxygen on her and her sats became stable. When I got to her place, she was sleeping and her color was nice and pink, but her temp., was a little cool. She opened her eyes when I talked to her, which made me feel like she knew I was there! She slept for the next two hours that we were there. For lunch they got her up, but she only took her supplements. Dinner was the same. She weighs 97lbs, so she's gained a pound. I feel like her time is ticking!

Funeral home and cemetery

Today my step-mom and I went funeral home shopping. We looked at two funeral homes that are most cost effective in town. Mom is on medicaid and has no money saved or any life insurance policy, so the money is coming out of me and my brother's pockets. The lowest price we have found for a funeral is around $9,000. We just don't have that kind of money laying around, wish we did! I guess we thought that we would have more time to save for this kind of thing. I just didn't expect her condition to turn so quickly! The cheapest way to go is cremation. I know that mom wouldn't want that and my brother and I don't want that. I feel comfort in a place to go and sit and visit. I feel like cremation,in my eyes is like just tossing my mom aside and saying, it too expensive so let's just get rid of you. Having an urn is creepy to me! To each his own!
My brother did purchase a plot at a cemetery right next to my grandparents(her mom and dad). I know that she will love this!

When we visited mom today she was sitting up in her chair. She hadn't eaten her breakfast, but drank her med pass and ate her ice cream. She was pretty alert and responded with a noise when I spoke to her and kept good eye contact with me as I spoke. The nurse reported that when she said hello this morning that mom said "Hi" back in response. Since the seizure it's like she is more aware and is communicating more with words. She hasn't done this in probably a year.
My Brother and I have been calling around for a funeral home and looking into a plot for her when the time comes. The nursing staff believes that she may only have about a few more months to live. We want to be as prepared as possible for when that time comes.

Seizure

Mom had a Grand Mal seizure this morning that lasted 45 seconds. She was gray in color and her breathing was 10 breaths per minute. Justin and I arrived an hour after her seizure and she was sleeping, but her color was nice and pink and warm. Her breathing was 14 breaths she seemed relaxed. I sat on the bed with her and as I spoke she opened her eyes. She stared at me for a while like she was aware I was there. She slept on and off the two hours we were there. We spoke to the nurse about her condition. The nurse said that seizure normally are seen in the end stage of the disease. She didn't know if she would have anymore or how often she would have them. Mom weighs 86lbs and not eating meals. She does take in what is called Med pass that is like a boost drink and she will eat a fortified ice cream. Even with this 2,000 calories a day, she continues to lose weight. The nurse was concerned that the seizure would cause her be real sleepy causing her to not eat and then she would keep losing weight. The fear was that she wouldn't make it for a few days. As we were leaving she really woke up and and was more alert. By dinner she sat in a chair for dinner and "drank" her meal. It is looking good, but we will have to take it a day at a time.

Dear Mom,
I'm not ready! I thought I would be ready for this day, but I'm not! I love you dearly and I hate to see you go through this, but I'm not ready to say goodbye!