Mom,
Today while I was taking my nap, I had a dream about you. You weren't as sick as you are now. You bought gifts for the boys and where playing with them. I woke up crying cause you will never have this opportunity!
I get so mad that you aren't here to be there for the boys and me. Everyone else has such strong family support but you where my support. At times I feel so alone. In times of need I thought my family would pull through for me and Justin and be more supportive, but maybe I'm being selfish. I feel as though everyone just turns there back and says it's not my problem or I'm sure everything is fine. But it's not fine! They ask how you are, but I think they ask just to be nice. I am lucky to have friends that have been their for me! I never thought that I had to rely more on my friends than my family! It's really sad. I know how disappointed you would be.
Let me just say It's Not Fair! I ask God daily why you, why me! I wish thing were different and I hope my kids never have to go through this. At least there will be three of them and hopefully can support each other through something like this.
Miss you and love you lots!

Mom's place had a Christmas party. Me, Justin and the boys went and my aunt Marsha and grandmother Dot came to enjoy Christmas carols and some yummy appetizers. Mom did really well. She sat and stayed with us at the table. A few crying spells here and there, but once Dot and Marsha showed up she could stop crying. She keep saying "my family, my family!" I think she realized we were all here to be with her. It's never easy to see her cry. I can't help but try and hold my tears back. When it was time to go we all said our goodbyes with many hugs and kisses. She started to walk to the door and said "let's go kids!" Justin hugged her and she said, "goodbye Brian" It was cute, but equally sad. It's hard really understand what she is going through and what she knows, but I have to think she has more going on in her brain then she can tells us.

Make a Smilebox photobook

I took the boys to see Santa yesterday. I was surprised how well they did. No crying of any sort!