I think I am losing perspective of who I am. I am this mean, frustrated, doesn't care, person. I am totally lost..... Sitting here just pissed off at everyone! I feel alone with no one who cares to listen! I almost feel as though I don't really exist. I think people turn there cheek or avoid me cuz they don't know what to say to me. The time in my life that I need someone to care is now... where are you! You say you are my friend, well be a friend! Call me, ask me how I am doing! Take me out, get me out! I need you! Even if that means that I will cry when you ask.. so what! Isn't that why we have friends? To be the shoulder to cry on! I guess I am suppose to put on my game face, suck it up. I guess you weren't there while she was sick, why would I think you would be here now! I am realizing that I don't have very good friends!
To my brother,
Be ashamed! You were never here for her, or me! You had a choice and you chose to be selfish! She was sick for all those years and you rarely saw her! I was the one her found places for her to live! I handled her medical bills! I took her to the hospital, waiting there for 5hrs while having a 2 YO with me. I was there when placing her in a pych. ward as she turns to me and tells me not to leave her! I did! Not you, me! I have to live with the guilt of leaving her! I was the one who planned her funeral. You got to waltz in the night before funeral to be present. I was there! Where were you?
-Anger
What your doctor doesn't tell you
16 years ago
1 comment:
I am here! I am always here! Personally, I hate to feel like I am asking to much. I'm sorry if I haven't asked enough. I'm sorry if you feel alone. You are not alone...I wish I could insert that Michael Jackson song "you are not alone, I am here with you...." to uplift your spirits!
Anger means you are moving through the motions of the grief process. Get your anger out, you've been your mother's sole caregiver and deserve more credit. You stood by her side through thick and thin. Even though your mother daughter roles had to change, the bond that held you two together stayed the same. You know she is in heaven watching over you now and is very grateful for your loyalty. Now it is your turn to raise your boys to be as loving, caring and nuturing like your mother raised you to be.
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